I recently read a post by an Instagrammer that really stayed with me (scroll to the bottom to read the post). Let’s call said, Instagrammer… Sally. Sally posted a long comment next to a very beautiful photo of her about how, despite being 28 and not having any savings or permanent job (all those things that were “expected of her”), she is constantly travelling, she is happy, free and “living her truth” and not shackled to the office. Great! right? Well maybe, but I think there is something more complex going on behind her need to post about this and in true Carrie Bradshaw style, it really got me to thinking… Aren’t we all living our truths?
I half-knew Sally about 5 years ago when we were both studying at the same London University and have been following her on Instagram since. She has grown her following, shares some cool stuff about her life and travels and definitely has some great outputs. She is stunningly beautiful and she has nice things to say. She deserves to feel happy and free and I’m glad that she does. But there is something about this online “free-spirited, travelling the world” influencer output that worries me.
The way that the online world promotes this ‘chase your dream’ ‘reach your goals’ attitude, might seem positive but it has a risk of making people feel extremely inadequate. Don’t get me wrong – it is wonderful that people like Sally can find joy in leaving their job, moving to Bali and not being “tied down” by the status quo. But promoting it as THE way to live your truth is unfair, unrealistic and unachievable.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k
I am by no means the first one to think these thoughts. To quote my new favourite Bible, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k, Mark Manson writes: “This constant stream of unrealistic media dogpiles us to the unrealistic standards we fail to live up to, Not only do we feel subjected to unsolvable problems, but we feel like losers because a simple Google search shows us thousands of people without those problems.” In other words – the internet makes us compare our lives and problems to a huge online world full of dreamy content giving us great anxiety!
Not everyone can become a popular digital nomad, open a fashion label or do yoga full time and not everyone SHOULD do this either. Imagine a world where everyone quit their office jobs to pursue their “dreams” – everything would grind to a halt. It is great that Sally can live her truth by doing what she loves but there is a place for Sophie in Accounts who deserves to feel proud of her life too and to feel that she is living her truth!
And what is our truth anyway? Someone’s truth doesn’t always have to be defined by the things that look good on Instagram. Not everyone’s truth has to be a life of travelling. For some people, truth and freedom may come with security: having a house they can be comfortable and settled in, having the money and security to take the trips they want. Both of these lifestyles and everything in between deserve to be celebrated.
Mark Manson again: ” Commitment gives you freedom because you’re no longer distracted by the unimportant and frivolous. Commitment gives you freedom because it hones your attention and focus, directing them towards what is most efficient at making you happy and healthy”
I totally agree with Manson and it shouldn’t go without noting that it is also a very middle-class thing to feel we have the luxury to simply live life by chasing our dreams. For many, this is out of reach. Quitting is not an option and to have an online world telling you to just go for it – doesn’t actually make it any more possible.
I like to see myself as somewhere in between. I have a secure(ish) day to day job that pays well and gives me financial freedom but I am also living abroad and travel often. I am happy with this middle ground and I know I have a somewhat more nomadic travel free life than others. However, despite knowing this, when I read posts like Sally’s – I instantly feel like “Oh Man, I’m doing it wrong, I should be travelling all the time, I should be living my truth like Sally!”
Comparison culture.
In our world of social media and comparison mayhem, it is so hard to know what to do with ourselves. When we see Sally declaring her truth and living her ‘best life’ by being so free and not tied down (her words) we feel that our ordinary 9-5 job is not good enough. What’s more, to counter that, it’s likely that Sally is only feeling the need to declare her truth to the world on Instagram because she feels she needs to justify her “non-conformist” lifestyle. It is likely that she is also comparing herself to the status quo. We just can’t win!
So how do we deal with this? It’s not easy but what is SO important is to acknowledge this comparison headache and try hard to ignore it. Our success is not defined by how Instagrammable our life nor how much sustenance we have behind us. Our success is our comfort in being ourselves, the love we have for our families and our happiness in the day to day life we choose to live. This can come from travelling the world, or it can come from working the same job in the same town for your whole life. Everyone is different.
We need to do what is right for us. If that means quitting your job to be a nomad, and you are able to do this- GO FOR IT. If it means staying put in the office, feeling comfortable and not setting a “goal” all year. ALSO, GO FOR IT. Life is for living without fear, feeling proud and not comparing ourselves. We are all living our truths.
Sally’s post:
In the eyes of society, I’m a ‘failure’
I’m in my late 20s and I’m not on the ‘path’ that is deemed ‘successful’
I’ve spent the last 5 years travelling around on my own, job to job, place to place, wandering around this world trying to delve deeper into the realms of mother earth.
I have never been in a job longer than a year, always getting bored and leaving.
I don’t have any savings. I live month to month usually, living in the moment, not holding on to the idea of having lots of savings to be happy.
I’m not married or engaged and have no desire to be at all.
I have no desire to have kids or settle down. Give it a few years and people will be telling me that I “better hurry up” or” it’ll be too late” 😂
I don’t own a house and wouldn’t even be considered for a mortgage.
I don’t have a career necessarily. I just do what feels good and have been doing for several years. I don’t want a ‘serious’ job, I just want an easy relaxed life. I don’t want to climb any career ladders or feel pressured by snotty bosses.
Sometimes it’s scary. Sometimes it makes me nervous. Then I look around me and remember all the experiences I have that some won’t ever have. All because I followed my truth.
Some are still sat in an office job every single day, hating their lives but they have savings and a mortgage but what does any of it matter if you aren’t living Your truth. If you aren’t grateful to live one more day, doing what you love, then what’s the point? 🦅
